Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We left the knife in your bed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
