They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize