You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
MIDGETS
????
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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