he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
