i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
