just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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