Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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