I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize