Define "chronic" masturbator.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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