either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
