If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
