the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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