can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
sex in a hospital.. check
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize