This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
