Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
