you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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