idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize