dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
