just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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