If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Drake has all the answers
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
