I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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