imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
