I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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