Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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