Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Shame - the story of my life.
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