You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
