another moral hangover. fuck.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
