you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
