Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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