Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
