Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
