I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am spending my child support on dildos
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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