they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The air was thick with penises
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
