I want to have your abortion
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize