My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize