i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
FUCK WHALES
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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