Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize