I wish I only lived at night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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