Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
