Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
