I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize