what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
