i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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