Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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