Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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