i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
