someone get that fucking seahorse.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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