You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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