dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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