Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
