Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
