So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
