Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
