My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
