did you get engaged???
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
