if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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