Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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