How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just pynch a tree in the face
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
