Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
