You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize