I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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