i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
