I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
