fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
