I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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