This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
