You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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