This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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