i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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