so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
