I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
