My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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