btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
