Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
accomplished twins. life is a go
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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