Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
