i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
