So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize