How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
