I am puke
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
