You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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