She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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