Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
