god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
