I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
