Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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