dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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