I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
