A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
