I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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