Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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