Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
