Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
