Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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