so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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