what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
