HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
